Why I Started This Blog

With AI being increasingly prevalent in our daily lives, and the ubiquitous adoption of generative AI models such as ChatGPT and Claude in performing rote tasks, skill atrophy and the downfall of creative writing is all but certain.

Having used such AI tools for most of my university essays and corporate reports, and personally witnessing the slow decline of my creative thinking, I wanted to start a blog of my own to preserve what’s left of my wit and imagination, as well as to retain and improve my own writing skills while sharing my thoughts and feelings on things I hold dear.

Since this is my first blog post, I want to make it especially meaningful to everyone reading by talking about relationships (something I don’t talk about often with anyone). Growing up, I didn’t really care about building or maintaining relationships with anyone, be it platonic or romantic. As someone who is definitely on the spectrum, I’ve always viewed relationships as purely transactional; I’ll only be friends with you if I have something to gain from it, and vice versa, I think you’re friends with me because you have something to gain. That mentality was definitely one of the reasons why I was very much a loner for most of my growing years.

As years went by, it’s ironic that I’ve started to treasure relationships more with each lost one. I’ve always felt uncomfortable that we yearn for the connections, but when they’re lost, we rarely know how to grieve them properly - especially when they’re not dramatic endings, just slow, quiet disappearances. No big fights. No dramatic closures. Just a drifting apart that feels both inevitable and preventable at the same time. What do you mean that I still know everything about you but we don’t really talk anymore? What am I supposed to do with this information?

We don’t talk about this kind of grief: the grief of losing someone who is still alive, just… not here. It’s not as clear-cut as death. There’s no ceremony, no condolences, no socially acceptable way to say, “I miss someone who chose to walk away, or someone I let slip through the cracks.”

And in a way, that makes it worse. Because I don’t know if I should be moving on, or holding on.

Lately, I’ve been trying to sit with those feelings rather than run from them. Maybe that’s what this blog is about too - sitting with the uncomfortable. Honoring the people who’ve shaped me, even if they’re no longer beside me. I don’t have all the answers, but maybe writing will help me ask better questions.